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Online Learning: An Educational Development Perspective
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My Loving Relationships
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Authors: William G. Emener (Department of Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling, Univ. of South Florida, Tampa) and William A. Lambos (Cognitive Neuro Sciences, Inc., (CNS), Tampa, FL) 
Book Description:
For any individual who has wondered how a perfectly sane person in today’s crazy world is supposed to figure out what is expected of them when navigating a loving relationship (and who hasn’t?), this book is a must-read. The primary focus is on those issues most pertinent to the individual – "I", "me", and "you" issues – relevant to the quest for satisfying, loving relationships.
Using case vignettes from the authors’ clinical experiences as psychologists, the book’s first 15 chapters address the topics of Self Analysis, Relationship Analysis, My Past, Behavior Analysis, Dichotomous Thinking, Patterns and Trends, Divorce and Separation, Guilt and Shame, Fears and Phobias, Depression, Grieving, Time and Timing, Happiness and Joy, and The Internet (the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly). The last three address where to look for more help when serious situations arise: Seeing a Professional Counselor, Therapist or Family Mediator, How a Professional Counselor or Therapist Can be Helpful to You, and Some Suggestions About Getting Help from a Professional. The book is very reader-friendly, solution-focused and down to earth, and also includes 43 Figures from the author’s case files that graphically display the issues and helpful recommendations.
The book’s authors, with many years of experience as psychologists, professors and scholars, conceptualize loving relationships and improving them as representing developmental processes that are best seen as a kind of ongoing and ever-evolving "dance" between two individuals – relationships are not events! Reading this book will contribute to, enrich and enhance any individual’s developmental process -and especially themselves and their loving relationships.

Table of Contents:
Prologue

The Road Ahead

Chapter 1. Self Analysis
The Importance of Me
What I Am and Who I Am
Physiological and Emotional Considerations
Self-Inflation
Physical Attributes and Attractiveness
Multi-trackers and Uni-trackers
High Maintenance and Low Maintenance People
Pursuers and Distancers
Me and You – Self and You

Chapter 2. Relationship Analysis
A House Built on One Stilt or Many Stilts
Dependence and Interdependence
My Need for Someone in My Life
Public Space and Private Space
My Need to Feel Fought For
Don’t Give Up You
Relationship Pros and Cons

Chapter 3. My Past
Mom and Dads - Our Primary Teachers
Learned Interpersonal Needs
Past People, Characteristics, and Relationship Secrets
Only-Child Issues

Chapter 4. Behavior Analysis
Importance of Consistency
Behavior and Perception
Perceptions of Difficulties
Avoidance and Escape Behavior
Negative and Positive Compensatory Behavior

Chapter 5. Dichotomous Thinking
Dichotomous Thinking and Emotions
How We Spend Our Time
Boundary Setting and Expectations
People are either "Good" or "Bad"
All or Nothing Relationships

Chapter 6. Feelings and Emotions
Emotional Intelligence
Analyze and Target Your Feelings and Actions
My Feelings About Us
Confronting the Fear and Pain
What to Do with Your Feelings
The Importance of Feeling "Safe"
Anxiety Reduction
Jealousy
Emotional Shutdown
A Need for Resolution and Serenity

Chapter 7. Patterns and Trends
Learned Response Patterns
Role(s) of Sabotage
Old Patterns with New People
Poor Communication Patterns
Patterns are Like Addictions
Paradigm Shifts: A Place to Start
Relationship Patterns
The Relationship Paradox

Chapter 8. Divorce and Separation
Stages of Divorce
Self-Protection
Some Do’s and Don’t-Do’s
Effects of Time
Rocking in the Comfort Zone
Post-Divorce Anger

Chapter 9. Guilt and Shame
Guilt and Existential Guilt
Healthy Shame and Toxic Shame
Guilt-Based and Shame-Based Relationships

Chapter 10. Fears and Phobias
Fear of the Unknown
Fear and Anxiety
Fear of Losing Me
Fear of Change
Fear of Growing Up (and Out)
Fear of Abandonment
Fear of Intimacy
Shame-Based Fear
Fear of Ending a Relationship
Commitment Phobia

Chapter 11. Depression
I Don’t Know How to Act
Alone – Lonesome – Lonely
Loneliness: It Could be Worse
Helplessness and Hopelessness
Mixed Depression and Secondary Depression

Chapter 12. Grieving
Grieving: A Process
What Are You Grieving
Grieving Can Sneak Back on Occasions
The Stalls in Your Barn
Have Something to Take Care Of
When a Loved One Dies
The Loss of a Child or Another Loved One

Chapter 13. Time and Timing
Time: A Precious Commodity
Your Can’t Create It – Just Allocate It
A Sense of Time and Space
Priorities Change Over Time
This May Not Be the Right Time
A Long-Term Trade Off
Time Marches On
Staying in "The Now"

Chapter 14. Happiness and Joy
Your "Happiness Potential"
Happiness in a Relationship
Control Your Happiness and Joy
Happiness and Enjoyment with a Significant-Other
The "A-B-Cs" of Happiness
Your Sense of Meaning and Purpose

Chapter 15. The Internet (the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)
A Brief History of the Internet, Electronic Communications
and Social Networking
The Good
The Bad
The Ugly
Recommendations
Key Internet Dating Tips

Chapter 16 Seeing a Professional Counselor, Therapist
or Family Mediator
Seeking Professional Help
What Are Your Goals
One Therapist, One Client
Wants and Willingnesses
Willingness to Work
Be Your Best to Give Your Best
Real versus Social Recovery
What are My/Our Options?

Chapter 17. How a Professional Counselor, Therapist or
Family Mediator Can be Helpful to You
Responsibility: Cause, Cure and Past, Future
Appreciation and Understanding
I Could Do – You Could Do
Analyze the Love in Your Relationship
Structure Your Schedule, Including Time for Psychological Vacations
Mediation as an Alternative to Counseling and Therapy
Benefits of Support Groups

Chapter 18. Some Suggestions About Getting Help from a Professional
We Help You Help Yourself
Avoid Quick-Fix Temptations
Avoid Subconscious Sabotage
The Paralysis of Analysis
Stay Focused on the Present
Stages of Change Efforts
Progress May Be Slow and Gradual
Realistic Expectations: Behavior and Emotions
Don’t Expect Immediate Results
The Downside of an Upswing
When to Come Back

Epilogue Reflections and Door Knob Issues

List of Figures
About the Authors

Index

   Binding: Softcover
   Pub. Date: 2009, 1st quarter
   ISBN: 978-1-60692-420-4
   Status: AV
  
Status Code Description
AN Announcing
FM Formatting
PP Page Proofs
FP Final Production
EP Editorial Production
PR At Prepress
AP At Press
AV Available
  
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